Of being European and Taiwanese

Back to the roots

An image from Switzerland.

Greetings from good ol' Europe! After several months in Taiwan, I am back to my roots. It's a short business trip and I will be back on the ilha formosa in no time, but now I'm here and now I can write down some of the things that came to my mind, while traveling and meeting people in various places around Central Europe. I realized, that I am partly Taiwanese - mostly in the way I behave and see things. I can say, that the life in Taiwan definitely changed me. On the other hand, I have realized, that I am also still very European and that I miss Europe a lot. But I also miss Taiwan in a sense, some things, but most of all my dear wifey, who is for me Taiwan's biggest treasure.

Being a European and represent a Taiwanese company is very interesting. Frankly speaking, there are many chicken and duck situations between Taiwanese and a European companies. So since I can speak chicken and understand the ducks (well, kinda...), I try to smooth out some things and strengthen the relations. Of course I'm also here to make new ducks excited about our product from Chickenland. It's a lot of talking and traveling, it's sometimes very challenging, but it never gets boring.

While walking around various European big cities, I have realized how culturally diverse they are compared to the ones in good old Taiwan: Turks, Arabs, Africans, Indians, East Asians are seen everywhere. Taiwanese cities, apart from having few Western expats, seem very homogeneous and closed to the world. Both has its charm, its challenges and its rewards. When I was in Switzerland, I have heard so many languages spoken on the streets, it was amazing. It's like the whole world placed in just one city. Not sure how this works in daily life, but there surely must be many chicken and duck situations.

Compared to Taiwanese, Europeans are much slower in daily life. I knew that very well before, but I have soon fallen into the vertigo of Taipei's hustle and bustle. These days I'm somehow thrown back to that time from before. It's interesting to see people who walk slowly. There are no motorcades of scooters whizzing by. Instead you can see people sitting in cafés and beergardens, sipping their cappuccini and weizenbier and just taking it easy. It's the quality of life that I miss in Taipei, when I see these images from Europe - the luxury of dolce far niente or "sweet doing nothing" is captivating. La dolce vita is far far away from Taipei... maybe in Taitung, I felt it there. Taipeiers are just too busy being busy... and sadly, I am one of them. I try to have more quality time during the week, but I just can't find a way to escape work, it finds me and holds me in captivity. It will be interesting to see, if this trip will have any effect on my daily life in Taiwan when I return.

Another thing I noticed is how Europeans communicate - those who I had the pleasure to speak with were direct and concise: Nobody cared about being polite and losing face, problems were articulated openly and so were the suggestions for solutions. In Taiwan, we sometimes have 5 to 6 hour long meetings with a lot of talk and little action. We all know what and who is the problem, but faces need to be saved and harmony needs to be preserved. Usually the issue is only touched on and very little is solved. Maybe this is just my personal experience, but I have a good reason to believe, that this is not really that uncommon. I like the efficiency of Europeans in business. Yes, Europeans tend to be complicated before starting to cooperate, a lot of testing, questioning and double-checking is the norm, but once they are convinced, things are moving fast.

But there are many things that I didn't like here in Europe. Taiwanese are much softer and gentler in public. Remember my last post about Taiwanese and how they smile a lot? I missed that. Most Europeans I've met or spoken to recently were polite, but there were also situations, where people had no patience or understanding and showed that openly. I took a morning train in Germany and since it was my first time doing so, I didn't know that some seats are reserved and some not. I sat on a reserved one and the guy who's seat I occupied was very annoyed, when he passed by. I needed some time to realize my mistake and then I had to be let out - I was holding up a long queue and I saw how people murmured and shook their heads. Maybe it's because I looked like a local, not a foreigner, that the reactions were that strong. Taiwanese would show more understanding. And even, if they'd feel annoyed, they'd not show it that openly. There were several similar instances, where I missed the East Asian polite public face. This just highlights how everything has it's good and bad sides. I like the direct European way of how issues are discussed in business, but the way Taiwanese interact with each other in public suits me more.

What I also miss here is the convenience of getting food, drinks and free wi-fi. In Taiwan, tea shops, small food stalls and convenience stores are almost on every corner. Be it day or night, you can get affordable food, drinks or even free wi-fi very easily (I'm talking about the Taipei area). In German and Swiss cities all this is either hard to find or just very expensive! You need to pay 4 to 5 times more than in Taiwan. Sure, the living standards are much different, but the main problem is the mindset. Europeans see eating in restaurants rather as a special occasion (most would prefer cooking at home), so it's more common to meet in cafés and just have a drink, but when Taiwanese meet, eating is obligatory. Even if you meet in a café in Taipei, they will have some meals available and most Taiwanese would prefer to eat something, at least a cake. And most of these places will offer free wi-fi to the guests, something I have not experienced during my trip so far and it has given me a lot of frustration. Europeans think you should pay for every service, in Taiwan a lot of services are free. Sometimes you even need to pay for a glass of water in an European restaurant, in Taiwan however water or even tea is served free of charge before the meal: The focus is on what you eat, not drink, but in Europe restaurants earn a lot with the drinks, as they are usually ridiculously expensive (I always hated that).

In these days I am realizing, that I've changed, matured and was quite significantly influenced by my life in Taiwan. How far that will go, I don't know. I try to pick out the best from both sides. I'm still a European, but I was never a typical European. Sure, what is that anyway? I can't say. There are some elements in East Asian societies, that truly suit my character, but there are things in Europe that I cherish very much. I guess I will always be somewhere in between. 30 years of being shaped in goof old Europe marked me for life, Europe is where I come from and where my heart lays. But I'm also a traveler, someone that just can't stay in one place for too long: I need to move, I need to explore, I need to learn and reinvent myself. And that's why I am so enamored with Taiwan: It's challenging, but it's given me so much. I can't wait to return, but I also know that visiting Europe will be something I will have to do regularly to recharge my batteries. It feels very good to be here.

Ps: I really don't miss the 24/7 staring, it feels great to be seen as everyone else.

[My TAIWAN observations][Photo by MKL, 2011]

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I love you, my girl!

This is a post for you, my girl. By the time you're reading this I will be somewhere up in the clouds and you must think of me a lot. My darling, I know that the past few weeks were very stressful for us, we had so many things to do and prepare and our jobs were not giving us time to breathe either. But now it seems that this stressful period is slowly coming to an end. I hope that after we see each other again, we can have more time to spend together, share the burden of the daily errands equally and find time to enjoy ourselves more. I wanna go out and be carefree, I wanna meet people and talk about something different than my job. I wanna learn Chinese and discover more beautiful spots of Taiwan. But to be able to do this, I will need to make changes in my life, I know there's no other way. Ever since I've come here, I tried so hard to make you proud of me. I found work, I complied with the norms of the environment and I'm tirelessly trying hard to survive in the fast-paced reality of Taipei. I feel like I'm caught in a typhoon ever since I'm here. It's tough, but I will survive, because you're here with me. You're the reason I came here, you're the reason I wanna stay. You're the love of my life, the girl of my dreams. I cherish every single thing you do for me every day. Even if I don't express, I feel it. I always do. I know you try so hard to make my life comfortable here and I really appreciate it. I admire your strength and your management abilities, you know how to manage your life well and in addition, you're managing mine, too. Thank you from the depth of my heart, I sincerely miss you every time you're not around me. It's gonna be tough to be a while without you, but when we reunite, it will be so much sweeter. I can't wait to hug you again. I love you deeply and forever. Please stay safe and always think of me.

Truly yours,

hubby

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Taiwan, the land of smiles

If smiling was a sport, Taiwan would probably win the golden medal

Taiwan's commercials are full of happy-smiley people. (source)

People say Thailand is the land of smiles. But Thailand's little brother* Taiwan is in no way less "smiley". I don't know, if foreigners, who live here have noticed, but Taiwanese love to smile, but usually for very different reasons than for example your average Central European like me. According to my observations, Taiwanese oftentimes use the smile as a shield or as a cover in embarrassing situations. Of course, that might be true for many Europeans as well, but the interesting part is what Taiwanese perceive as embarrassing when dealing with each other. For me it's mostly things that I would not bother about. An important thing here is the concept of losing face or 丟臉 (diou lien), where small mishaps or pointed out mistakes can mean a disaster for an individual. This phenomenon is usually more predominant in the older generation. A smile accompanied with some generic excuses would temporarily preserve one's face and if it's a person of a certain rank, others need to play along and smile with him/her and try to redirect the situation into different waters. A simple example: If you see your father, your teacher or boss embarrassing themselves, just play along and pretend, that everything's fine. And smile of course! If he loses face, you might be laughing inside and enjoying your moment of schadenfreude, but on the outside you'll feel uneasy and worry about what kind of consequences this might mean for you in the near future, if he's publicly exposed. Usually nothing to look forward to.

Germans have come a long way smiling. But they still have a long way to go.

But even among the younger generation smiles are often used as a way to "break the ice" or "escape the embarrassment". If Taiwanese need something from someone, it will often start with a polite 不好意思 (bu hao yi si, lit. "not good idea", meaning "excuse me") or even politer 不好意思麻煩你 (bu hao yi si ma fan ni, lit. "not good idea bothering you", meaning "sorry for troubling you") and a smile will be added, cheeks might turn pink (no, wait, the latter is only seen in anime, but anyway...). Having Taiwanese colleagues for many months now, I've gotten used to this communication with constant smiles. And when a problem or an issue is discussed, everything but the core of the problem will be touched. Criticizing someone directly will be a very rare occasion, usually a way around that will be found and lot of smiles will be inserted. And from what I've seen, the conversation might quickly turn into some small talk (usually about lunch or dinner) - and it will be smiled and laughed a lot again. They will feel released, but the core of the problem will remain.

When you're in Taiwan, smile more! (source)

Basically, smiling is something that makes Taiwanese feel comfortable with each other and is part of their daily interaction. When we took the wedding photos, the photographer kept asking my wife why I didn't smile. But I did smile! Just less intensively and less frequently. I'm just not used to the constant wide smiling and nodding, which is a social norm at most Taiwanese gatherings, such as lunches, dinners, banquets, visits of friends and relatives and so on... However, I try to be polite and usually play along in such situations, but I feel like I am acting. I know that being polite generally means that you're not being yourself, that you're being extra careful and formal in the way you interact with others. By nature I am a polite person, but according to the norms I was taught in my country. Taiwan is for me still a very different culture and although I blend in as much as possible, there are limits to how far I can do that, because I don't want to lose myself completely. A while ago we had a company meeting where people from another department were present. Some time later, one of the new colleagues messaged me and told me (in a joking way), that I was too serious in the meeting and added that I didn't smile. I was surprised, that the latter was a topic of conversation here, but I guess it just proves how important smiling is for Taiwanese. It's hard for me to smile in situations, where I'm uncomfortable. But I guess in Taiwan, that's exactly what I should do: Smile and save my face. :-) <- I'm rockin' it already!

[My LIFE IN TAIWAN page][My UNIQUELY TAIWAN page][*this was a joke of course!]

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Everything about a Taiwanese wedding

Because in Taiwan you only marry once

I think you will hardly find a straight foreign guy, who visited Taiwan and wasn't impressed by the beauty and the charms of the female population. Taiwan is loaded with beautiful young women, that would make you fall for them instantly. It sounds broad and subjective you may say, but I would sign this statement any time. Once you visit, you will agree with me. You can argue about what real beauty is, but young women in Taiwan place great importance on how they look and how they carry themselves. Dressing tastefully, being graceful and polite, acting cute, a little sexy, but still remaining soft, sometimes even docile, are some of the social norms Taiwanese girls face, when they are growing into young women. And that has a certain indefinable charm that most non-Taiwanese men can't resist. I have to say I am one of them.

It's no wonder that many Taiwanese girls date foreigners, especially White guys, which is according to my subjective impression the most common combination in interracial relationships here. There is a certain mutual attraction, which would be an interesting topic for another post, so I won't go into that here. What oftentimes starts as a crush or romance, becomes deep love and eventually a decision has to be made: To marry and not to marry? And most of the time the answer is... marry!

If you are one of these foreign guys thinking about marrying a Taiwanese girl, this is the right post for you. I will tell you what to expect and what kind of organizational skills you will need to have in order to plan and pull through a Taiwanese wedding. I have so far been on 6 weddings in Taiwan and one of them was my own. In fact, it ended just yesterday, so I'm still very deeply involved in this topic. I will definitely need few weeks to shift my mind on other things, because you can't just erase few months of stressful planning and organizing something that is not really about you... but let's get back to the start.

So you've met the cutest girl in the world and she's from Taiwan, a country you have not really known well before, but suddenly you've become very interested. You Google information and of course come to my blog and see how beautiful it is here and you just can't resist dreaming about moving here and living happily ever after with your Taiwanese sweetheart. And after you make the decision to settle here for her, you will need to marry. At first you can register, to get the legal documentation (Alien Residence Certificate, read more in Chinese here), so they don't send you home, after your tourist visa expires. But right after that, you will need to start organizing the wedding. And that's the part where I'd like to share my experience with you and give you useful tips.

My dearest friend Cherry entering her wedding banquet.

1. IT'S NOT (ONLY) YOUR WEDDING

After extensive observations, I have come to these simple conclusions regarding an average modern Taiwanese wedding from a perspective of a foreigner, who took part in one:

- It's a gathering of many people, over 100 is very common
- It's a standardized 12-course lunch/dinner with exquisite/expensive Chinese food
- You will not know most of the invited people at your wedding
- Your in-laws will get involved in the planning, the less the better for you
- The wedding will not be about you, you will just play a side role
- Most of the attention will be diverted to the beautiful bride and her parents' "good face"

Of course all this depends on the character of your in-laws. There are some modern Taiwanese parents, who give their daughter and son-in-law the freedom to decide how their wedding should look like, but that's mostly an exception. The thing is: Most Taiwanese think they know, how a good wedding should be and going into deep discussions about that is a battle you can't win. I just hope that my Taiwanese friends allow me to see things with my own foreign eyes and accept my different views. One of the things I keep telling my wife is, that Taiwanese weddings are very standardized. Following things are more or less obligatory on every Taiwanese wedding banquet according to what I saw so far:

- Every guest will give you angpao 紅包 upon entering, it's a red envelope with money.
- In exchange for angpao, every guest will get xibing 喜餅 or wedding cookies.
- The bride usually changes her gown 3 times and you'll have to enter the hall with her.
- You'll sit at the main table next to the in-laws and other close relatives or persons of honor.
- You'll say ganbei 乾杯 (cheers in Chinese) a lot, then raise your glass and sip a little.
- Ganbei will usually be followed by lots of xiexie 謝謝, which means thank you.
- You will ganbei and xiexie at your main table, as well as tour all the other tables.
- A short clip of the bride's and groom's love story will be shown to everybody.
- Speeches will be made, either by the parents, by a person of honor or by you and the bride.
- At the end you greet every guest at the exit, give away candy and take a photo with them.

Inside this framework, you are more or less free to create some extra things such as funny games, lucky draws, speeches by people from your life, cutting of the cake or pouring the champagne or performances by hired musicians. The latter of course costs more and will usually be expected on wedding dinners, where the father of the bride is an important person.

Shark fin soup, although a controversial dish around the world, is considered a very rare and precious dish in Taiwan and is therefore served on many weddings.

2. WEDDING PREPARATIONS

The most stressful time is few months before the wedding, when you need to prepare tons of things, involve a lot of people and spend a lot of money. Below is the list of all the common things, that needs to be done in advance, if you want to have a smooth procedure on your big day:

Pre-wedding ceremonies and customs:There are a lot of various ceremonies prior to the banquet, some of religious nature, some just old traditions in honor of the parents or for good luck. In my case, I didn't need to any of them, so I can't share any experience in this regard. There are truly many of them and depend from one part of Taiwan to another and from family to family. I think unless they're not related to you paying money, it should be no problem for you to just follow what you're told. Some of these traditions are described here and here (in Chinese).

Betrothal money: Pinjin or 聘金 is actually comparable to the concept of the bridal price in old English traditions. This idea of paying your future wife's parents a substantial amount of money is shocking to many foreigners. Some would say "You want me to buy your daughter?". Luckily, it's a tradition, that is not obligatory and I myself didn't need to follow it. The custom says, that since the daughter will leave the family, she would not be able to take care of the parents when they are old, so they deserve a compensation. If you truly believe this and pay, then god bless you, you must be the perfect Taiwanese son in-law. But I would suggest you to ask your Taiwanese sweetheart about pinjin way before you even plan to propose to her. It can be a problem, if her parents insist on this, a big problem. Cost: Small pinjin may be 120.000 NTD, big one could reach the ridiculous number of 300.000 NTD! That's a range between 3000-7500 EUR/4000-10.000 USD!

Choose the date of your banquet: You would think that something like choosing a date is a simple thing in Taiwan. No way! Only certain dates can be chosen, the ones that are considered "good" or "lucky" in accordance with the Chinese lunar calendar and old superstitions. The result is, that in a year certain dates are overbooked with wedding banquets and it's hard to find a free restaurant, while others are not booked at all. Our wedding banquet took place on a very popular day and in our restaurant many weddings were held at the same time, which resulted in random strangers passing by. One mistakenly sat at one of our tables, only to realize, that she's at the wrong wedding. But not only choosing a date is important. You also need to make a decision, whether to hold a wedding lunch or wedding dinner. Lunch starts between 12.00-13.00, dinner is scheduled for between 18.00 and 19.00. The duration of a common wedding is between 2 and 3 hours. Cost: None.

Finding and booking a restaurant: Taiwan is full of these generic restaurants, where wedding banquets are held. You could marry in a hotel, which is more expensive. I think most would go for the first option. These restaurants have standardized procedures and will have staff, that will take care of some things during your big day such as serving food, playing music and helping the bride. However, you need to pick a restaurant, that has good service reputation and good food. Your in-laws may go to the restaurant and try the food and if they like it, you get green light and can continue with other things. If they don't like it, you have a problem. Best is to book a restaurant 6 months ago. Cost: 10.000 NTD/250 EUR/340 USD (only the booking fee).

Deciding the number of tables: A small Taiwanese wedding will have around 10 tables, a medium-sized around 20 and a big one 30 or more. Each table is set for 10 people. It's not good to have five or less people at one table, in that case you better group them with other half-empty tables in order to save space, food and money. The food will be served in a traditional Chinese way, where it will be shared on a round table and passed from person to person, so efficiency in this regard is necessary. Cost: from 7000-15000NTD per table + 10% service charge, 175-376 EUR/240-513 USD, but you pay this after your wedding dinner with the red packages given to you by guests. Booking fee is deducted. If you have 10 tables per 10.000 NTD each, you will pay 110.000 NTD (2760 EUR/3770 USD).

Round tables with a smaller central platfom are an integral part of a Taiwanese wedding. Food is passed from person to person by turning that part in circles.

Wedding pictures: This is one of the almost unavoidable things, if you want to marry a Taiwanese girl, as this is one of things she will be most likely nonnegotiable on. Taking wedding photos for the sake of memory is called 拍婚紗照 (pāi hūnshā zhào or lit. taking wedding dress pictures). These photos will be shared online (like Facebook or blog) and in a printed album, on small cards, a poster at the entrance of your wedding and finally in a clip, that will be running nonstop during your banquet. These photos are an integral part of modern Taiwanese culture (photographers are making very good money in Taiwan, that's for sure). A photo shoot will usually take all day, especially in summer is brutal, because it will commonly be shot outside. Couples would decide for three beautiful settings, of which are most common old historic houses from Qing dynasty, natural backgrounds such as a beach and a modern building, such as Taipei 101 and others. I can tell you that posing for tons of photos all day under the hot sun was one of the toughest things I've ever done in my life so far. But we men just need to make our wives happy, right? :-) On the wedding photo shoot day it's all about the bride, who desires to be a beautiful princes in a dreamy background and if the photos turn out really beautiful, she will proudly share them with all her female friends, who will give her tons of compliments. You would not wanna take that joy away from your wife just because the price could be ridiculously high, wouldn't you? Cost: Most common number is 30.000 NTD/750 EUR/1030 USD for a shoot, but if you have a friend as a photographer you can get them for below 20.000 NTD/500 EUR/685 USD, however I know some people, who payed 70.000/1750 EUR/2400 USD or more. Keep in mind, that you will usually only get 20 to 30 photos, in the latter case, that would make 80 USD per one single photo.

Taking wedding photos is considered one of the most romantic things in a Taiwanese woman's life. If you start to argue about the cost, you'll have trouble.

Wedding cookie: The wedding cookie is one of these things I could not understand since the beginning. You may need to buy over 100 wedding cookies and give every of your guest one box of them, after they give you the money in the angpao (or red envelope). You can also give two less expensive boxes of cookies, if you want, as long as the sum of both together reaches the expected norm. This things will of course cost you, at least 1000 EUR for 100 people. It's expected by an unwritten Taiwanese cultural norm, that a box wedding cookies should be between 400-500 NTD (10-12 EUR), but some even pay over 700 NTD per box (17 EUR/24 USD). Multiply that by for example 150 people and you will get the cost of 105.000 NTD/2630 EUR/3600 USD. That's of course ridiculously high for someone like me, who just doesn't understand this concept. Just remember: If someone gives you angpao, you need to give him the wedding cookie. Cost: Usually for a small wedding 100 cookies is the norm, the cost can vary from 40.000 NTD to over 70.000 NTD (from 1000 EUR/1370 USD on).

Wedding cookies can be traditional or modern, both is acceptable.

Invitation cards: The invitation cards are also one of the things you will need to pick together with your future wife. You will need to make a choice and ask a certain number of people you'd like to invite and add the number of the people your in-laws will force you to invite. Once you have the number of all the people that confirmed their attendance, you will need to print out the wedding invitation cards and give them in person or send by mail. The card will include a small message for your guests, together with the name of your and your wife-to-be's parents and the address of the restaurant, where your wedding will take place. Usually a small business card of the restaurant with a map, that leads to the restaurant, will be added. Cost: If you print 100 invitation cards, you will pay between 20-60 NTD for a card. If you pay 30, your cost will be 3000 NTD (75 EUR/100 USD).

There are thousands of wedding invitation designs to choose from.

Deciding who to invite: That will be a tough choice, believe me. First of all, approximately half of the tables will be filled with people your in-laws will invite. These will be various relatives and friends, who's weddings your parents have attended in the past and many of them had to came to return the angpao... with interest. Of course they're also there to honor the proud father, who's daughter is getting married. This event is one of the highlights of every Taiwanese elder and the more people see his happiness (even, if in reality he's still not sure, if he can trust you), the better. It is possible that the parents will collect the angpao money received from their guests and that may be the part of your wedding where you will feel it's not really your wedding. The other visitors will be related to your wife, such as old school mates and coworkers and other friends. Most of them will come, because they are really happy for your wife and won't feel that they were forced to come, because of the cultural norms. A few of them might, though. It's always a tricky thing who to invite, because the amount of money in the red envelope matters a lot for Taiwanese people. For example, if in the past you have attended your friend's wedding and given him 2400 NTD in the angpao, he needs to attend your wedding and give you at least 200 NTD more, that means 2600 NTD. That is all reasonable (in Taiwanese eyes), but you have a big problem, if someone attends your wedding and gives you 10.000 NTD (250 EUR/340 USD), which is considered a big angpao. Some elders will do that in order to impress your proud father-in-law. You will need to say thank you many times after the wedding, however you will need to pay this money back... with interest. Next time his son or daughter marry, you will need to give at least 10200 NTD to them. That of course is beyond my Western common sense, but I would say getting big angpao from one person is not really good. Taiwanese even keep a book of how much who payed, so that they remember to pay back with interest in the future. If they don't great shame will come over the family, people will gossip and face will be lost. That of course is a disaster for most Taiwanese elders and you would not want that to happen. Keep all that in mind, when you are pondering over who to invite. 

Cost: A lot of nerves.

Wedding gowns and the tuxedo: It's a custom, that the tuxedo is bought by your Taiwanese mother-in-law (I blogged about it here), which is one of the few things you as the groom can enjoy. The cost of a good quality tuxedo together with a customized shirt would be around 10.000 NTD (250 EUR/340 USD). When it comes to the bride, things are more complicated. She will want to have at least 3 new dresses, a white one, then usually a colored one and a traditional Chinese qipao 旗袍. There are several shops that offer borrowing the gowns, which is cheaper than buying them. There's also the option, that you order from an online shop in China, it will be a good cheap alternative. In Taipei, there are several wedding streets, one near Zhongshan MRT, one in Xinyi and one near Miramar. Cost: Three wedding gowns together with accessories may cost you around 10.000 NTD (250 EUR/340 USD).

Wine and liquor: There are several wine shops in Taiwan, that import good wine from all over the world, but France, Italy, Chile and America seem to be very common. Almost most Taiwanese prefer red wine, so it's a kind of a norm (interestingly, in my country white wine is more common). Aside from the wine, you will also be suggested by your in-laws to buy few bottles of liquor, whiskey will be preferred. Taiwanese, unlike my countrymen, don't take alcohol too well. If they drink a glass (usually 1 dcl only), they might get tipsy, if two or three glasses, they might get drunk. Few shots of whiskey will speed up the process even faster. That's good, because you don't need to buy a lot of wine, 1-2 bottles per table should be enough. So if you have 10 tables, 12-15 red wine bottles should suffice and maybe 3-5 whiskeys. Cost: It can cost you between 3000-5000 NTD ( from 75 EUR/100 USD on).

The helpers: During your wedding you will need several people to manage various things for you. A friend or a close relative will need to welcome every guest at the entrance, where they will sign their names, give angpao and receive the wedding cookie in exchange. The make-up stylist will take care of your, your mother-in-law's and your wife's make-up, hair and help her with the changing of the clothes. A moderator will  manage some of the event preparations, announce you and your wife prior to your entering into the main hall and moderate the event for you. For that each of them will get an angpao at the end of the wedding. And to my surprise, the auntie, who works for the restaurant and "helps" you with some small things during the wedding such as pressing the button of the lift will claim an angpao, too. Cost: A friend or sibling might get 1200-2400 NTD for managing your receivedangpaos, while a make-up stylist might cost you around 8000 NTD (200 EUR/275 USD) on average, a moderator from 6000-8000 NTD. And you will need to give around 2000 NTD to an auntie, who works for the restaurant.

Wedding photographer and camera operator: You will have no time to take photos or shoot videos, since you will be constantly following a protocol. Sadly, you will barely have time to eat and talk to your friends. So if you wanna remember all your embarrassing and all your wife's glorious moments, you will need to hire a guy, who will walk around and take photos of the "happy" guests and another one, who will make video clips and later put them together into a short movie. Cost: Photographer may cost you at least 8000 NTD, the movie will cost you at least 8000 NTD as well. That's a proud sum of 16.000 NTD or 400 EUR/550 USD.

3. THE BIG DAY: YOUR BIG FAT TAIWANESE WEDDING

The big day will be hectic. If you have chosen to have a wedding lunch, even more, because you have only few hours of preparation time. We came to the restaurant at 9.30 and my wife's make-up and hair still wasn't ready by 12.30! The basic procedure of a wedding day is standardized, but you still have to plan some arrangements, such as how many times do you want to enter the hall with the bride, when will you play the wedding clip, who will speak when, what games will be played etc. But most likely it will be like this: Few hours before the wedding starts, in our case lunch, you will just sit next to your wife in the small make-up room, where her hair and make-up will being done. As you well know, Taiwanese women need a lot of time to make themselves look pretty and before a wedding they're even more peculiar, so it really takes time. Taiwanese visitors are always late, so if you said that the wedding starts at 12, most of the hall will be filled by 12.45 and that's the best time to start the banquet and enter the event with your wife. An hour before her friends and relatives will keep on coming inside the make-up room to greet her and wish her gongxi 恭喜, which means congratulations. When the bride is finally done, she will wear the huge white dress and head with you towards the main hall. Someone will need to help her with the dress and you will need to walk very slowly with her. Next to the entrance point, you will need to wait for the announcer to say few words and the lights will be dimmed. After she's finished, you will finally enter together with her and people will look at you two with great interest, take photos, in the best case cheer and clap. After that you will be seated at the main table and the moderator will ask a person of honor to say few words about you and your wife. After that the first few courses will be served, it will be ganbei'd, gonxi'd and xiexie'd at the main table. But you won't have a lot of time to eat, as you and your wife will need to leave the table soon in order for her to change clothes and re-enter with you again. This will be repeated twice and after the last time the wedding will end very soon. In between, speeches can be held and games can be played, where you give away small gifts. Some of the obligatory things is the bride's giving away of the wedding bouquet to the unwed female friends and the wedding clip will be played for the whole audience, where you and your wife show excerpts of your lives and add snippets from your love story to the mix. The feast ends, when you tour around all the tables with your parents and ganbei with everybody. After that, the guests start to eat the dessert and you move to the exit, where you hold a basket of candies and wait for the guests to finish eating. Everyone will pass by and gongxi you in exchange for a small gift, candy and taking a photo with you. Once you finish this with all of the guests, your wedding officially ends.

Enjoy some photos of my friends' wedding, the wedding of Cherry and Jackie:

At the entrance photos of the couple will be shown and offered on cards.

Friends will help you to collect angpao.

First entering of the banquet is considered as one of the most important parts of the wedding. The bride will usually enter with a long white gown.

Taiwanese weddings usually start 30-45 minutes late, as Taiwanese are not really punctual. You begin, when 80% of the tables are full.

Most weddings start with raw fish, which are dipped in wasabi.

Sea food is considered special, because it's expensive. It means you treat your guests well.

A moderator will connect the dots on your special day.

Speeches will be held in the parents' and couple's honor.

You may pour the champagne together with your husband.

People will ask the couple to drink like this.

Some couples exchange sweet words with each other. In this case Jacky made Cherry smile and surely must have said something very sweet.

You will ganbei and ganbei until you can't anymore.

Every Taiwanese wedding ends with taking of the photos with the couple.

4. HOW MUCH DOES A TAIWANESE WEDDING COST?

To know, how much an average Taiwanese wedding costs click here>>

You will get information in New Taiwanese Dollars, Euros, US Dollars, Singaporean Dollars, Hong Kong Dollars and Malaysian Ringgit. This is just for your reference, if you wanna do it in Taiwan ;-)

5. AFTER THE WEDDING: COUNTING MONEY AND FEELING RELEASED

After your wedding ends, you will feel very released. The restaurant will clean the tables, all you need to do is take your things back home, such as the left over wedding cookies, the poster, the small name cards, gifts and various things from clothes, make up and other accessories. And then you'll need to pay the restaurant with the angpao you got, which will be like two thirds of the whole money. The rest is yours. But it might well happen, that you'll realize that you spend more than what you got. One of the things couples hope is that the money will cover the honeymoon. That's possible on weddings, where the couple is Taiwanese. But if you're a foreigner, who can't invite 100 people from his own circle of friends and relatives, the cost might well be over the received angpao money. Trust me, I'm speaking from my own experience. Nevertheless, you will be glad it's over. These are the things that might await you the following days: The parents will have tons of questions about the feedback of your guests: "Did everybody like the food?" or "Did they think everything was ok?" or "Were there any complaints?" will be the most common questions. If your answer is yes, they will be happy and you can move on with your life. If not, they will be anxious and in worst case, they might call the unsatisfied guests and try to explain themselves in order to save face. You will also be asked about the amount of angpao, that was paid by the individual guests. The in-laws will want to keep the book, that holds this information in order to repay with a bigger angpao at some of the future weddings. After all this is over, you can slowly move on to the hardest part: Your marriage. The Taiwanese wedding, although challenging and stressful, will be nothing compared to that. Being married to a Taiwanese wife surely has many rewards, but it can be very challenging as well, especially if you live in Taiwan, but that's stuff for the movies... or for another blog post.

Counting the angpao money will be your highlight of the day. But you may soon realize, that you spent much more than you got in return. However, blessings are priceless, right?

5. MY THOUGHTS, TIPS AND CONCLUSIONS AFTER THE WEDDING

It's for me very hard to give useful tips to other foreigners who might or will marry a Taiwanese girl. It all depends on what type of person you are (careful or careless, shy or outgoing...). It also depends how traditional your in-laws are and how involved they want to be. And don't forget to meet your wife's and guest's expectations, that can be very tough as well. In my case, I tried to comply and follow as best as I could, be it before or during the wedding. I felt like I'm in a movie, where the character is a bit lost. The first entering was very stressful for me, because I was very nervous and stiff and worried about many things. After the second time, I felt better, because I drank a little and eased up. When we entered for the third time, most people were focused on eating and drinking and I was happy to see that some tables were having a good time. But there were other tables, where everyone was quietly eating their rice with very serious faces. Fact is, you can't have a perfect wedding and you can't make everybody happy and joyful, some are there for the sake of face, some are there to tag along with a friend. You just have to focus on your and your wife's friends, those are the people, that might matter in your life in Taiwan. And of course your in-laws. I have to say that my wedding in Taiwan was so far one of the most challenging things I've ever experienced, but it was also very rewarding, especially the sight of my beautiful wife in all these dresses: She was probably the most beautiful since I've met her and she was truly the princess she deserved to be. I'm so happy for her and very released, that the feedback was mostly positive. Even the often very critical in-laws have not said a word. For you all this might be a lot to digest and you might feel intimidated, after reading my post. But hey, it can only get worse! Or better! How could I know? This was my story and now I'm a real man in Taiwan. If you want to be like me, get your act together and put on the best show of your life! For your wife, for your in-laws and for everybody else. Because that's what they want and that's what you gotta give in exchange for a life in Taiwan with your sweetest Taiwanese darling.

Can you really disappoint these beautiful puppy eyes?

Bonus! Vocabulary of common Chinese wedding blessings:

恭喜, 恭喜! Gōngxǐ, gōngxǐ! - Congratulations!
白頭偕老! Bái tóu xié lǎo! - Grow old together until you get white hair!
永浴愛河! Yǒng yù ài hé! - Bathe together in the river of love!
百年好合! Bǎi nián hǎo hé! - Good match for 100 years!
幸福美滿! Xìng fú měi mǎn! - Good fulfillment!

Another bonus! Some common Taiwanese wedding superstitions:

You can't marry, if you're 19, 29, 39: Problem is the number 9, which is seen as bad.
You can't get married during the ghost month 鬼月: You can't be happy that month.
Pregnant women should not attend weddings: Her happiness might clash with yours.
You can't eat your own wedding cookie: You will eat your own happiness. (Duh!)
After you are married, you can't attend other people's weddings for 3 months: Bad luck.

Related Taiwanese wedding posts:

Lily murmurs in English: Attending my friend's wedding dinner
Hipper: 銷空耶家庭的第一場婚禮～1.前傳 and 銷空耶家庭的第一場婚禮～2.正傳

[My LIFE IN TAIWAN page][UNIQUELY TAIWANESE][My TAIWAN overview]

[First photo 林志玲 of with courtesy of Longines, other photos by MKL, 2011 ]

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About streets in Taiwan

Because they are more than just streets

This is a photo of a street I took in New Taipei, where it still looks like old Taipei.

A street in Taiwan is like a small town, a village or its own planet, figuratively. The central part is reserved for wheeled vehicles such as automobiles, scooters, buses and lorries. The pedestrian species, as intelligent as it is, knows that it is in great danger, so it rather keeps moving along the street's brims. It seems that most Taiwanese streets in bigger cities don't like green plants, however some human inhabitants would put them in rusty pots, where they vegetate amid the exhaust and noise and other dangers from the hostile environment. A sidewalk on a Taiwanese street can be a parking space, a business area, a living room, a promenade or even a kitchen. Almost every Taiwanese street, if it's longer than 100 meters, will have at least a betel nut shop, a hair saloon, a tea shop, a convenience store, a scooter repair shop and a clinic. Convenience comes from the Chinese word 公忞你恩姿 (pronounced "kongwennientse") and means convenience. Taiwanese like to have things easily accessible, thus if something is within 100 meters - they will walk. If 101 meters or more, they will probably ride the scooter. It's convenient, they will note. I agree, it is. But...

A market close to one's home is a convenient place to acquire food. 

Markets, be it daily or nightly, are usually placed on a designated street, rather than on a reserved covered area. This phenomenon is what experts would call "remains of old China", that can still be found in Taiwan. The streets in Taiwan are micro-cosmoses, where you can observe the Taiwanese soul in its most honest version. It's the street, where couples meet for the first time: She hops on the scooter, he drives off and few blocks later they stop at a stinky tofu vendor and have a perfect dinner date. It's the streets, where obasans, Taiwan's famous old ladies, carry bags full of bamboo cones and other vegetables, slowly promenading back to their kitchens. It's the streets, where ojisans, Taiwan's stereotypical old gentlemen, like to sit down and chat about their daily challenges while chewing betel nuts.

And it's the street, where a sleepy foreigner marches to the subway every morning, trying to get to his office and do his job as best as he can on yet another day like any other. That foreigner happens to be me.

[My UNIQUELY TAIWAN page][Both photos by MKL, 2011]

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Hualien at Dawn

Beautiful photos of a beautiful city

After we toured Taitung's Northern Coast and rode the train through the beautiful Huatung valley, we arrived in Hualien City at 4pm, which means we had the pleasure to experience the city's beautiful ambiance at dawn. Hualien is a truly amazing city. While the mountains at its back are covered with grim dark grey clouds, the ocean at its front is enjoying a beautiful symphony of the blue sky and white clouds. This was the time when we went out to find our hostel and later rushed off to see the Pacific and visit one of the most famous night markets in the region.

Let me share our photos with you:

Hualien Railway station at 4 in the afternoon.

The part near the station is a big public square with a park inside.

Right near the station is the information center for tourists. Get maps and info there.

The Green Hotel is one of the finest buildings in Hualien.

Right from the hotel are many scooter rental shops. We got one for 400NTD per day.

On the scooter off we go! This is Hualien's central part.

The colors were fascinating.

We had to go to the northern part of the city, that lays on top of a hill.

Our home stay was located next to an old house from the Qing Dynasty.

This was our luxurious bed. The room was small, but very cozy. And we had a little balcony as well. If you need info on the home stay, contact me and I will share with you.

It's a pity, that we had to rush out and see so many placed. If I'd stayed on that small balcony with a glass of wine and smell the Pacific ocean breeze, it could've been an equally awesome experience. But life in Taiwan is fast-paced and we had no choice but to go out there and explore this Eastern gem. It was definitely worth it.

Hualien's coastal avenue.

Bridge over the Meilun River.

The Meilun River at dawn.

A new wooden bridge for bikers and pedestrians is a pleasant way to cross the river.

We walked through a nice public part all the way to the Pacific ocean.

This is part of the Hualien port. That lighthouse is one of the city's landmarks.

View to the south.

The ocean was so wide, the views were breathtaking. 

I took some of the best photos of my East Taiwan trip! It's really a must see spot, especially if you're here at dawn. The sunset or the sunrise must be beautiful, too, but what we saw was one of the most beautiful grey colors nature could display.

See more photos of Hualien's gorgeous Pacific on my photo blog>>

We saw this cute graffiti on the way back (Ps: I will, too).

We jumped on the scooter and rode back into Hualien's center.

We stopped at the Jianxiang Cihuei Temple 吉安鄉慈惠堂.

A huge temple complex, which we saw briefly. We didn't have time, because...

We rushed off to one of the most famous night markets in Taiwan and really had fun.

More about that in my next post. And not only that. I will show you beautiful photos of a sunny Hualien City, introduce the best food and also show you how to go and what to see at the famous Taroko Gorge. Stay tuned.

[My TAITUNG TOUR MAP][My TAIWAN TRAVEL page][All photos by MKL, 2011]

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