Taiwan, the land of smiles
If smiling was a sport, Taiwan would probably win the golden medal
People say Thailand is the land of smiles. But Thailand's little brother* Taiwan is in no way less "smiley". I don't know, if foreigners, who live here have noticed, but Taiwanese love to smile, but usually for very different reasons than for example your average Central European like me. According to my observations, Taiwanese oftentimes use the smile as a shield or as a cover in embarrassing situations. Of course, that might be true for many Europeans as well, but the interesting part is what Taiwanese perceive as embarrassing when dealing with each other. For me it's mostly things that I would not bother about. An important thing here is the concept of losing face or 丟臉 (diou lien), where small mishaps or pointed out mistakes can mean a disaster for an individual. This phenomenon is usually more predominant in the older generation. A smile accompanied with some generic excuses would temporarily preserve one's face and if it's a person of a certain rank, others need to play along and smile with him/her and try to redirect the situation into different waters. A simple example: If you see your father, your teacher or boss embarrassing themselves, just play along and pretend, that everything's fine. And smile of course! If he loses face, you might be laughing inside and enjoying your moment of schadenfreude, but on the outside you'll feel uneasy and worry about what kind of consequences this might mean for you in the near future, if he's publicly exposed. Usually nothing to look forward to.
But even among the younger generation smiles are often used as a way to "break the ice" or "escape the embarrassment". If Taiwanese need something from someone, it will often start with a polite 不好意思 (bu hao yi si, lit. "not good idea", meaning "excuse me") or even politer 不好意思麻煩你 (bu hao yi si ma fan ni, lit. "not good idea bothering you", meaning "sorry for troubling you") and a smile will be added, cheeks might turn pink (no, wait, the latter is only seen in anime, but anyway...). Having Taiwanese colleagues for many months now, I've gotten used to this communication with constant smiles. And when a problem or an issue is discussed, everything but the core of the problem will be touched. Criticizing someone directly will be a very rare occasion, usually a way around that will be found and lot of smiles will be inserted. And from what I've seen, the conversation might quickly turn into some small talk (usually about lunch or dinner) - and it will be smiled and laughed a lot again. They will feel released, but the core of the problem will remain.
Basically, smiling is something that makes Taiwanese feel comfortable with each other and is part of their daily interaction. When we took the wedding photos, the photographer kept asking my wife why I didn't smile. But I did smile! Just less intensively and less frequently. I'm just not used to the constant wide smiling and nodding, which is a social norm at most Taiwanese gatherings, such as lunches, dinners, banquets, visits of friends and relatives and so on... However, I try to be polite and usually play along in such situations, but I feel like I am acting. I know that being polite generally means that you're not being yourself, that you're being extra careful and formal in the way you interact with others. By nature I am a polite person, but according to the norms I was taught in my country. Taiwan is for me still a very different culture and although I blend in as much as possible, there are limits to how far I can do that, because I don't want to lose myself completely. A while ago we had a company meeting where people from another department were present. Some time later, one of the new colleagues messaged me and told me (in a joking way), that I was too serious in the meeting and added that I didn't smile. I was surprised, that the latter was a topic of conversation here, but I guess it just proves how important smiling is for Taiwanese. It's hard for me to smile in situations, where I'm uncomfortable. But I guess in Taiwan, that's exactly what I should do: Smile and save my face. :-) <- I'm rockin' it already!
[My LIFE IN TAIWAN page][My UNIQUELY TAIWAN page][*this was a joke of course!]
11 KAFKAESQUE COMMENTS:
i don't smile easily either & would worry that my face might ache with repeated smiling!
having said that, if someone smiles first then i can usually return the favour :)
September 18, 2011 4:11 AM
Smiling is good because it ups your mood and endears you to the people around you, especially if you have a nice smile.
By the way, it is "diu lian", not "diou lien". =) (Aha, there goes the Smile.)
September 18, 2011 7:49 AM
@adamantixx: I'm like you, I can smile back easily. But in some situations here smile is the default expression and you gotta keep it up for a long time. That's harder.
@Jo: Smiling is good, if it's natural, not put on consciously :) And I'm for diou lien, sounds closer to to the original pronunciation, I don't like hanyu pinyin :)
September 18, 2011 9:53 AM
Personally, there are times that I smile a lot. It's sort of a nervous reflex for me. So. Haha!!
But other times, when I'm spacing out, according to a lot of people, I look, well, unapproachable.
September 18, 2011 8:16 PM
Interesting post! I tend to think a Westerner will never really catch on to the "losing face' thing. In the West we have been taught from birth to be direct, while Asians have been taught to circle around an issue. They both have their advantages and disadvantages.
September 18, 2011 9:43 PM
Thanks for sharing the post with all of us!
It's always interesting to find out and see differences and things like this. They are actually around us everywhere all the time. And I think each of the behavior, reaction, things coming out from someone or groups of people can mean the various ways of thinking. We don't find it from ourselves and also mostly don't find it when we are with the people who have the similarity as our way of living and thinking. However, it can be quite obvious to be felt and found out once we are out of the regular way that we were living in, out of what we had gotten used to before. And according to what I've seen, it's always obviously to be happened with the east and west. I can't say any of them is absolutely the right way of living and thinking, they may be started from the people who are following each other. But it's worthy to think about the both sides. Those which are from our own ways of thinking are the right way to us. And it matters all. If I feel like smiling, then I smile. If not, just don't smile. We needn't anger people, but we don't need to give in and fake ourselves to please them as well.
September 19, 2011 8:10 PM
~;). ~;). ~;). ~;). ~;). ~;). ~;). ~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;).~;). 哈哈哈
September 19, 2011 8:54 PM
Huh, I guess all those stone-faced people I see everyday on the MRT, bus, and most of my co-workers didn't get the memo.
September 20, 2011 1:34 AM
@Gnetch: Well, but you're a videoke star :P
@Kristie: Exactly. Losing face thing is the hardest for me to get. I'm making a lot of jokes with my wife, but actually I tend to become a bit like them (care about face, too). It's interesting.
@Suinfinitor: Thank you for your comment. I am forced to observe my environment, because it's very different. And a lot I don't understand language wise, but that gives me the sense of seeing beyond mere words. I feel like a blind man, who has excellent hearing or feeling skills. I'm not saying that what I see is right, it's just one of the possible realities. And there is nothing wrong how Europeans or Taiwanese do some things, it just is. It's the culture, the upbringing, the way of life. We're all born and socialized into some patterns and that's our platform, from which we reflect on all other realities. I try my best not to be offensive or exaggerating, and although I know these are my subjective thoughts, I hope I am credible enough to be taken as a reference for some additional discussions on such topics :)
@Bananazஇ: :)
@Nick Herman: Not sure, what job do you have, but if you'd work 10 hours a day like me and these stone-faced people, you'd understand why we don't smile in the morning or evening. But if you talk to us, I'm sure we would reply to you with a smile :)
September 24, 2011 9:58 PM
True. And sadly ,I'm an English teacher at a cram school until my Chinese is good enough to do something more worthwhile, so I'm not always smiling much myself at certain intervals of the day.
September 24, 2011 10:14 PM
@Nick: You're already adapting well :)
November 13, 2011 10:39 AM
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