How should a man be in 2009?
Dear women,
40 years of feminist movement and with help from Karl Lagerfeld, you managed to finally make me insecure about my masculinity! I watched TV today and I saw the new photos of Karl Lagerfeld's muse Baptiste Giabiconi - IN STILETTOS!
So I went online and found these pics here. Please check them out and tell me what do you think. I really don't know what to make out of this. I know it's art and I can see some deep meaning behind it, nevertheless, it made me think about the modern man.
I was always for the equality of the sexes and I think that the feminist movement was necessary and mostly good. You know I love women (you can read here). But as much as I am happy that modern couples have relationships, that base on equality of the sexes with the female sexual liberation and as much as I appreciate that modern societies strive to give women equal opportunities and wages, I am somehow feeling uneasy about the trend in recent years, where a handsome man is more and more portrayed as feminine, ambiguous, metro. And that's for me the side-effect of the women's struggles for equality in recent decades. I mean, what is the metro trend anyway? It's probably a scheme by the multinational corporations to sell more beauty products to men by making them more feminine (or gay [*not that it's something wrong with being gay]). And the magazines and fashion designers go hand in hand with them. Money (read business) is the easiest way to set a trend. And the consequence of all that are insecure straight men, who are afraid to be who they are and try to be someone they're not. Ok, I am exaggerating a bit and maybe I am not really that isecure because of Giabiconi in heels, but you get my point. There is some truth in my reasoning, isn't it? I mean, sometimes it seems that you (the women) want a guy who's sensitive, thoughtful, soft, but when it comes to picking-up women (and sex), you always chose the hairy animalic muscular macho, who has the swagger with the cool (sometimes even ignorant) attitude [*Ok, again, I am clearly exaggerating, cuz not every woman is like that.] :)
So women, make up your minds! How do you really want us to be in 2009? Because when I see these male models, I sometimes feel like they're from a different planet. They don't reperesent me. I still don't understand why fashion designers use Kens and Barbies to promote their (in my eyes mostly) dubious collections for the modern man and woman. It just doesn't make sense to me. If you sell a product to real people, make real people wear your products. And I really wonder, after they made women insecure (even skinny girls think they're fat!) and after they recently transformed a big portion of men into metros (yes, some of us use creams and make-up [*not me!]), who will be next on their list? Pre-teens? Toddlers?
When will we stop them?
41 KAFKAESQUE COMMENTS:
you have interesting thoughts that make me want to know you better. metro is just that; a trend. i wouldn't mind much of it. just ignore the trends and be you. i think women want someone who is REAL. as long as we are respected.. i do prefer sensitive guys vs. the macho though. i guess i don't like exaggerated characteristics of ANY kind. and that goes for machismo, OR 'metro'. hope this makes sense.. i think feminism was mostly good too but i struggle to think what a meaningful relationship would be in this day in age. when divorce is so rampant.. i'm at the point where i think romantic love/relationships are subpar from other relationships. not to say you can't have romantic partners successfully.. but i think i'm more for other types of relationships firstly.. and if that leads to romantic relationships/feelings, so be it. but i would still put greater emphasis on the relationship beyond the romantic. i hope that makes sense :P
August 31, 2009 1:46 AM
@floreta: Thanks :) Well, I have a lot of thoughts, sometimes I put together something meaningful, but sometimes I write (or comment) garbage. I have falws, too. So don't be disappointed one day ;-)
I can totally understand your point. I wanted to exaggerate a little with this post, to provoke people's opinions. I know that not everything is black and white.
Yea, well the divorce rate is scary, makes you question the meaning of marriage. Same goes for relationships, people just throw away a partner too fast. I don't know why is this trend so radical lately. I always felt that our grandparents had similar issues, yet they worked it out. But of course there were many women who just had no choice and had to remain in a bad marriage with an abusive husband, so the feminist movement surely helped those.
I also feel like romance can be so shallow these days. Because your own projection of a person replaces the actual person and when you realize that he/she is actually different, has flaws, ups and downs, you mostly get disappointed. And that's the reason that people break up so fast. I want to grow old with someone, accept the changes that come, accept the flaws, the ups and downs. And still remain with her.
August 31, 2009 1:54 AM
I, for one, do not want to be near any man who's naked in heels! WTF is that all about? Yuck.
I don't get girls who want to 'dress up' their guys. We don't need men to be prettier than us, hello. We should maintain some sort of balance between the male and female. (Maybe I'm speaking for the straight ones here, but whatev) I want my man to be masculine. Rippling muscles NOT needed nor wanted. Just a nice, fit body..and dresses presentably. That's not too much to ask, I'm sure.
Being a gentleman has got nothing to do with being gay or effeminate. PUHLEEZE.
August 31, 2009 2:11 AM
@Nashe^: Haha, ok, I hope you don't meet men in heels then. But to see your face expression would be worth gold :)
I'm all for balance and for some sort of differentiation when it comes to relationships.
Being a gentleman has got nothing to do with being gay or effeminate. I know, Nash, PUHLEEZE. :) I was just exaggerating ;-)
August 31, 2009 2:16 AM
that's what i want too.. ah, someday, hopefully..
you nailed it with your last paragraph tho. and i too think older generations had similar issues that they worked out. i like the idea of being a team; working it out together. modern day times people are so quick to split from the team.. it's sad. yes, romance can be shallow. i don't mean to disregard it completely though. i just meant to foster a less shallow-based relationship where romance almost comes 2nd to the deeper relationship you might have with a partner. i think that's ideal. i think romance is but a small part of Love.
August 31, 2009 2:19 AM
@floreta: I guess we really agree on this. Yes, not all romance can be shallow, of course. I just mean that romantic feelings can't be the sole base of a relationship. I'm also looking for a woman who will be my best friend, I also think a relationship is a team. I'm glad to see that there's women out there with similar expectations :) There's still hope for me :) I am romantic in a different way and not what you see in novels and dramas. It's the small things now and then that matter and not a constant emotional adrenalin, that sooner or later burns down like a magnificent bonfire.
August 31, 2009 2:32 AM
i know exactly what you mean about women saying they want sensitive men and then always falling for the cave-man types instead!
the only true way, for men or women, is simply to be yourself and hopefully someone will come along who wants exactly what you are!
August 31, 2009 6:28 AM
@adamatixx: I couldn't agree more with you :) And I like that cave-man type remark, hehe.
August 31, 2009 6:47 AM
o-m-g. Those pictures will give me nightmares for months.
Give me a pair of comfortable semi-baggy loose fit jeans and a polo-T anyday than those metro sexual outfits.
True story : My friend who dresses in those stripey shirts, funky looking dress pants and has the most unbelievably well kept hair and goatee keeps getting mistaken as a gay guy. Metro sexual? Perhaps. Gay? Not. Getting hit on by gay people? Not funny.
So he says anyway.
August 31, 2009 7:11 AM
@izso: Hahaha.. you know, I was thinking to put a big pic of that guy on top, then it freaked me out as well, so I downsized it :P I advise you to not look at it for more than 5secs :P
I think I saw many metro guys in Malaysia, more the Chinese ones. I guess if you're metro, you appeal to some women and some gays :) I don't know, I never been hit on by a gay guy, would be amusing, if that happened, maybe even flattering. Well, depends on the pick-up line. :)
August 31, 2009 7:25 AM
OMG...drop that photo! Yucks! Yucks! Yucks! I want man to be man, you know... mascular, big size, motorbikes, football, rugby, husky voice, and protective. I like my man to be man (ie no traces of feminity). They can wear any beauty product they want but NOT makeups. To me beauty products like moisturizer, toner, etc are essential to humankind. It doesn't matter whether a guy using it or a girl using it. It makes no difference. It is not feminity when a guy knows how to take care of himself.
August 31, 2009 10:25 AM
@Jerine: Hey, be happy that this isn't MKL header photo :P
Well, as for beauty products, where you draw the line? Where is the man just taking care of himself and when is already a metro? I really don't know. These days it's all a bit fluent. And yes, I agree. I think men should be men.
August 31, 2009 10:29 AM
oh yea, that's exactly what i think ALL THE TIME, if you want to sell products, make real ppl wear them! not ken and barbie!
i guess u said it all, what a woman wants in a man. Yes we do want someone's who's thoughtful, sensitive, caring etc etc at the same time we fall for that macho guy in the club. Why? because first impression counts! as shallow as it sounds, we want someone who look presentable, strong and masculine, because who knows, the soft sissy looking guy could be gay! well u get what i mean :)
looks do count for a little bit but then as time goes by, it's the personality that shines through everything. Looks, i think is just a way to get through the first stage of getting to know someone, and then u let personality do the rest of the work.
nothing a woman wants more than a guy who can make her laugh, cry with her and be there for her. we just want to know that we're being cared for, loved, and well taken care of, u know, on most times :)
August 31, 2009 1:18 PM
The thing about fashion world is, it's entirely a different dimension. The people there are so used to beauty that they try to manipulate everything. Everything extraordinary is their muse. This is why they choose overly skinny rail thin girls and men who are prettier and skinnier than necessary.
Its people's choices to understand this and not apply these kinds of weirdness to their lives. But from what I've seen they're lost in this too, like I'm one to talk, I'm skinny for normal people but I always try to be skinnier. Although I don't lose myself in the process anymore, I still eat good food. Haha.
As for feminine men, it may work in Lagerfeld world but not in mine. I like metrosexual trend but not feminine one.I guess you can say I like classy gentlemen type : well groomed, good hygiene, know how to dress according to occassion, smell good and may opt suits and good shirts rather grungey looking t-shirts. But they still gotta be manly, you know. Make up and stilletos? Oh hell no.
August 31, 2009 2:12 PM
@Sharon: Aha, so you fit in the stereotype of falling for cave-man types initially? LOL. Some of use are shy in the beginning, but not necessarily metro or a sissy. It's probably impossible to draw the line what is what, so clearly this topic is very subjective and all we can do is exchange personal opinions. We won't get material for a thesis here :) I agree with you, though. 1 impression is the starter and for something lasting, there has to be more later. Much more. Like you said, you need someone who's there for you all the time, in good and bad. Really good points, Sharon.
@Andhari: Excellent points. Yes, the fashion industry is many times odd and they lost touch with the common man. I wouldn't mind, if they wasn't negatively affecting teenagers and even adults to some extent. I do hope people wouldn't apply their ideas of beauty and fashion to their own lives. Hell no, I won't wear stilettos, even if it becomes totally fashionable :P
I think hygene and perfume was acceptable even before metro men. I mean stuff like men shaving legs? Doing facials? Obsessing over the newest fashion? I think that's a bit too far for my taste. Then again, to each his own. It's hard to say what's too much, since it's a highy subjective perception.
August 31, 2009 3:49 PM
Ehm, what about men having their own personality but at the same time respectful of others
August 31, 2009 5:49 PM
@rinaz: Sure. Good point. :)
August 31, 2009 5:55 PM
Whoa... Hwan, as myself, thinks that the 'Ideal' potraits which exists these days among the people are the results of human's history. You know, in the past, some tribes regarded fat people as beautiful ones. I think same logic can be applied to here. It is just a trend and still it changes slowly. During the changes, some people can adjust and lead the trend, but the others cannot adjust and don't want to accept it.
Anyway, my point is... It is because it is time to happen !
August 31, 2009 7:04 PM
@Hwan: I agree. Well, I was thinking more about the Western man and Asian, too, since the trend is present in Asia as well. I know it's a trend, but I just don't like it. I guess I can't adjust to it, but I'll try not to have issues with it, too.
August 31, 2009 7:09 PM
How homo-tastic is that!?
I thought the photos were:
a) very beautiful
b) very gay
c) very arty
overall, did not turn me on but I could see the beauty of it all.
September 1, 2009 4:30 AM
To answer your opening question: a man should not be that!!!
I thought that was a woman when I first looked.. great heals though!
September 1, 2009 4:45 AM
@scaryazeri: Good points. I'd probably describe the pics same way.
@Carina: Haha, yes, I think that would be really over the top. The heels are nice, but please, on a woman :)
September 1, 2009 5:42 AM
i want a man to be a man and that includes to leave all the womanly stuff like stilettos and stilettos shopping for women to indulge in.
September 1, 2009 7:10 AM
@the girl in stiletto: You've got a good point. But it's fun for me to follow my girlifriend shopping for stilettos. I always learn a lot about women then :)
September 1, 2009 7:32 AM
I think I might like you in stilettos. I've always had a thing for androgenous men. Blame it on Brian Jones.
September 1, 2009 3:07 PM
@Tricia: Oh no. You won't see me in stilettos.. Don't even imagine :P
September 1, 2009 3:14 PM
I do like these two pictures. I always think human body is really a work of art, especially perfect bodies with beautiful muscle lines and curves. Therefore, I try my best to keep fit, because I hope I can get those beautiful lines on my body. So, I like man keep fit and style himself, of course, not necessarily so. We do not need to follow the fashion, but we should keep us fit and style, I mean, have our own style and tasty.
That's my comments. :-)
September 1, 2009 8:47 PM
hmmm... you disallowed comments on your "i can be insensitive" post?
it's through mistakes that we learn .... :)
and for this post.... yeah, metro.... women will be your friend, but you will never get into a girl's heart the metro way. the true blue man way is still the name of the game.
September 2, 2009 12:23 AM
@LilyChen: I agree with you. A very nice thought. I think we should live up to our own standards when it comes to maintaining the body and fashion :)
@zewt: Thanks Zewt. I try my best to learn from mistakes. And yes, I agree, a real man has to have more offer than just metro, hehe...
September 2, 2009 2:28 AM
Surprisingly, I am not a picky person. I don't care about weight, looks, or whatever. I just want someone to treat me right and that's all I ask for :)
September 2, 2009 2:35 AM
@Rica: That's great, Rica. I wish all women were like that (and men...) *sigh
September 2, 2009 2:37 AM
No way, no how, no Karl Lagerfeld!
Looks are not everything, but I can't be with a man who wears stilettos. I'm not especially attracted to men who are overly groomed, I generally don't like too much "decoration" I'm
most impressed with a man who is fun, passionate, intelligent, and honest. Lagerfeld, please let a man be a man!
Great post, btw :)
September 2, 2009 3:15 AM
You know MKL I thought I had something worthwhile to contribute to this debate........but I haven't.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; and beauty is as beauty does.
September 2, 2009 3:22 AM
@Dutch Donut Girl: Hahaha, you meant the famous No way, no how, no McCain? I think we can apply this to Lagerfeld as well :)
Thanks for your opinion and compliment and I hope there's more of you out there :)
September 2, 2009 3:24 AM
@ZACL: Hey, no problem :) I also sometimes just enjoy reading the debate, but I don't have a lot to contribute.
And your sayings sum it up well. :)
September 2, 2009 3:27 AM
I think we have to accept that models whether male or female are from a different planet, and are never there to represent us.
I was awakened to this understanding by a designer called Betty Jackson, who has been disabled most of her life, losing a leg at age 6 and subsequently suffering a severe motor accident on top of that, which has permanently affected her mobility. When interviewed on radio, she explained that despite her own disabilities, she is not a campaigner for the disabled particularly and thinks it is absurd for disabled people to aspire to becoming models. She explained that models are almost always tall and skinny, and they aren't there to represent the looks shape or sexual orientation of the person who buys the clothes.
It's a business, nothing else. Perhaps some male models are used to sell creams and make-up. That's business too. It may not make sense to you and me, but that merely demonstrates we are not the target for this expensive business of fashion shows and designer brands.
As for the photos of Baptiste, I'm not gay either but I see that they are sexy in a generalised out-of-this-world sense. Fancy (expensive) clothes are not about homosexual or heterosexual sex, ultimately, but narcissistic sex, I mean imaginary self-image. And in the haute couture arena, they must appeal to men and women alike, with the boundaries inevitably a little blurred.
September 4, 2009 1:56 AM
@Vincent: Thank you for your very well written comment. Yes, models were always from a different planet, but there's also trends who go against it, like when they banned too skinny models in Madrid. It's a start and should be done in a bigger broader way, because there's so many models who suffer by not eating. I mean, a girl with 50kg is considered fat? That's a bit crazy. So while I agree, that it's a perculiar business, there has to be some boundaries in my opinion. In the end, I guess there would have to be strict laws with penalties. And that's another issue.
I totally agree with you on your last paragraph. It is about narcissistic sex, indeed.
September 4, 2009 2:11 AM
What a picture.....the very fact that it shocks and garners these responses speaks for its effectiveness.
September 4, 2009 9:38 PM
The Envoy: I hope it's not only the pic. I hope I wrote a good post, too :P
September 4, 2009 9:59 PM
ok... first of all, the pics... don't know, I know how to appreciate good art, but a naked man on stiletto's? Not so sure, let's just say I've seen better pics of men :)
Second, I like men to be men, metro is fine, fashionable is even good, I don't like mops, at all! But don't push it, I draw the line, where men start to be more vain than women, and when they start to do "must-haves" and all... that's just for girls in my opinion!
loves
November 8, 2009 2:07 AM
@Shirley: Yes, yes and again yes! I agree. Thanks for commenting here on one of my signature posts, haha :P
November 8, 2009 2:09 AM
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