OMG, I never proposed to a woman!
I just realized, I'm almost 3o and never proposed. I had 3 shots (3 long term relationships), yet I blew it. I have to say, I was never a fan of weddings, because in my country almost half of the people don't marry, they just live together, have kids... that's normal here. Marry, not marry, no difference here. But when I started dating Asian women, weddings and marriage is like crucial in every person's life. First I was sceptical, but then I realized that most people in Asia marry and they stay together (unlike Europe), so there's nothing cynical about weddings. They are taken very seriously and they are big, expensive and sometimes there's even people attending who you don't really know well. Here it's usually only people you personally know well.Regardless the facts, I just never proposed. I guess I was afraid. It just didn't feel right, but I still held on to the relationship. I'm weird. But the older I get, the more I wish to propose to someone and marry. If I didn't have the Asian-experience, I probably wouldn't ever think about marriage and proposing. So, I will propose to the first woman who comments here. I'm so desperate. Haha...
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21 KAFKAESQUE COMMENTS:
it's probably a good thing that i never visited Asia otherwise i'd have propoed to almost every girl i met!
July 18, 2009 7:47 PM
@adamantixx, haha, that's a funny remark. Well, it's not that easy when you're there and love only 1 person. In the end, Asian or not, when you love someone, you don't see race anymore, you see the personality and the heart. And you decide on wheather you and her can have a future. I think it would be a scary thought if I married and divorced after 5, 10 or 20 years. Then it can be a big problem, especially if she gets the kids and returns to Asia. That was one of my considerations... Well, maybe I'm too much of a pessimist.
July 18, 2009 7:54 PM
You didnt propose to adamantixx!!!!
Marriage scared me. But your info is not quite accurate. My grandma oppose marriage. She told my bf that we should just cohabitate. If we really want to get married, we can just sign the certificate in the council. She doesn't want big huge ass wedding, I guess she knows I can't stay in a relationship for long. And that comes from my Asian grandmother
July 18, 2009 8:37 PM
@Jerine, No...... I was waiting for you? Where were you? Ahhh... now I won't propose to you anymore leh... Kidding...
I guess your grandma is a wise woman. :) Anyway, most important is that you find your true love which makes you happy, cuz true happiness is not written on a certificate, but in the heart.
July 18, 2009 8:56 PM
True love? What's that?
July 18, 2009 9:04 PM
I wish I knew, Jerine.
I always admire couples who are over 20, 30 years together and still love each other... I guess that's what I would call true love. True to the end.
July 18, 2009 9:07 PM
never seen that happen in my life.
July 18, 2009 9:28 PM
I grew up with American and British movie, and it's something that I agree about true happiness and true love is written in the heart.
But for my parents, it's a 180 degrees different. They were raised with strict Asian culture and for them, wedding is something that's very crucial.
We call it the moment to show off, because it's the only moment for parents here to make it known to public that they have raised their children well. For some wealthy families, the amount of guests attending is more important than the length of the wedding itself. Some even very proud to held their second wedding even bigger than the first one.
For me, what I want to do is to make my parents happy, so sometimes it was difficult to oppose them. Luckily, after all the chaos of my sister's wedding, I make them to promise to me that if ever, ever, ever I am going to marry someone, they would approve even though it's only the certificate signing ceremony.
July 18, 2009 10:00 PM
Maybe you'll be one of those people who tie the knot when they're old and wise! Not that I'm hoping you'll have grey hair before you get married, but as they say.. you gotta stop looking for love and let it find you! (or some other bullsh like that)
July 18, 2009 10:56 PM
@Selvy, Yea, I had this perception when I was in Malaysia and Singapore... You're right. It's a different culture.
@Nashe^ I can totally relate to your comment... I'm not pushing it at all... I hope I won't be too old, but I guess I won't be in my twenties. I'm still a 20-something blogger for 8 months, haha... I envy you! :)
July 18, 2009 11:22 PM
Well, I know what you mean. In the US, marriage isn't what it used to be. There are people that get married 3 or 4 times. In Asia though, it seems to be more of a big deal. My wife and I got married in Singapore and we just went to the RoM and had 3 friends with us. My family was in the US and my wife's family was in the Philippines. Her parents keep pressuring us to come to the Philippines and have a huge ceremony with lots of guests and photos and such, but we're not really interested in that. We have other things we want to spend our money on.
July 19, 2009 2:34 AM
Marriage in the West is a joke.. Less and less wanna marry and those who do, divorce en mass... maybe that's one of the reasons that Westerners who want to have a loyal long term love relationship and marriage, go to Asia and look for a partner there.
July 19, 2009 3:28 AM
@MKL: That's a really good point. Maybe you should post that as a comment on Jerine's post about white guys and asian chicks.
July 19, 2009 4:10 AM
Jerine will have to come and fetch this comment. I'm too lazy to comment again. That anonymous racist-card thrower wore me out :(
July 19, 2009 4:34 AM
But women should not be denied of a wedding! We want to look beautiful and celeb worthy like! Ahem, at least once in a lifetime :P
July 19, 2009 11:40 AM
@rinaz: Funny. It was my wife who told me she didn't want a big wedding. She said shed rather use the money to go on a fantastic vacation.
July 19, 2009 7:21 PM
@rinaz, that's the cultural difference. Many women in the West don't care about marriage. Maybe Italy is still ok, but Central Europe is really not into marriage as it used to be. I agree, weddings can be wonderful, if only the marriage holds later :
July 19, 2009 7:40 PM
I am an Asian girl and I agree with your post that most of Asian been like that in case of the wedding. My Duch friend married to a Japanese girl and I saw him spent much money on the wedding. But they seem to reach the agreement to do so. So it is not their problem as long as they are happy with it. For me, I think the most important about marriage is not about Asian or Western cultures. I think it is about their satisfaction and agreement of the couples. ^^ I am an Asian girl , but I also like the small wedding...( I think I don't have a chance to get marry haahaha ) ^^
July 22, 2009 3:21 AM
@Kanchana, I also like small wedding. I guess we could match in this regard, hehe...
Well, the cultural difference is obvious. But most important is what happens 30-40 years after the wedding. It can be a tough time, if you don't work hard :)
July 22, 2009 3:24 AM
When I read your Graz post again, I bumped into this post at the bottom. Haha, so now I firmly believe that we're fated, beacause I found you. :-)
December 7, 2010 2:56 PM
@LilyChen: Haha.. how did you find this post :P Yaya, you found me, fate brought us together <3
December 7, 2010 3:41 PM
Post a Kafkaesque comment!