"I'm busy, I have no time."
I'm not a big fan of lame excuses, especially because they are so obviously bogus, that it's really embarrassing, but it's hard to get around them, so sometimes I am compelled to use them. Today I was thinking which one is the lamest. I came to the conclusion that it must be the"I'm busy, I have no time" excuse.
It's probably the easiest way to tell someone indirectly that you don't want to meet up. Because that's what I feel someone is trying to tell me. And that gets confirmed when I ask the follow-up question "How about tomorrow?" and the answer is "Busy, too." Everybody is always busy, always working, never has time. How can that be? I know I'm not always busy and I use this excuse when I don't want to meet with someone, ergo, others must be using the same trick as me. Simple as that.
Well, worse than the people who use this lame exuse are the people who just don't understand it or just don't care. I have a friend who's like that. He will ask: "So what are you doing?" Because I know him well, I usually prepare some extra excuses in advance and I'd usually answer: "We're doing something around the house, then I need to drive my sister somewhere and after that I have to go and buy something." That's enough to save me - one day! Because he won't stop there. No, no. He will usually go on with "What about the next day?" It gets tougher to find excuses for the day after, but I can manage, if I am in good form. But when he adds "What about the day after?" for the next 3 or 4 days, I usually run out of excuses and give in and meet with him eventually, even if I don't really want.
So why are we doing this? Why can't we just say to the person: "Sorry, I don't want to meet up with you any time soon, because your stories bore me, you don't interest me at all and I feel like I'm wasting my time." We don't want to break up the friendship, but we also don't want to be so close with somebody. Mostly, we just expect that the person can read between the lines, when we say "I'm busy, I have no time" and just leave us alone until we are in the mood to meet. Time passes and finally it's our turn to ask "Hey, do you want to meet?" And if there's some unwritten karmic law, the person will answer:
"Sorry, I'm busy, I have no time."
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8 KAFKAESQUE COMMENTS:
we are asians... cannot be so direct wan... hahahahaha...
July 19, 2009 11:18 PM
@zewt, I am caucasian ^^ And I guess this rule applies to all cultures and races :)
July 19, 2009 11:25 PM
I think no one wants their feelings hurt, so they in turn don't do it to others.
I'm not sure I'd want a friend that was that dense. Obviously you're not interested in meeting up with them any time soon.
You know, this reminds me of something that happened to me in 2005. When I first arrived in El Paso, in Texas, I met a guy that was ok to talk to, but he was mostly boring. He was a good guy, just nothing really in common. So, we hung out a few times and after about two months of hanging out every weekend I told the guy, the guy called and asked if I wanted to hang out. So, I told him, "Hey dude, I'm trying to get situated with people at my new job. I'm not sure if I'll be able to hang out with you much anymore." He was quick enough to take the hint and that was it. I actually feel bad because I never did hang out with him again, though I should have.
Oh well. I suppose a person can only maintain so many friendships. Real friendships anyway.
July 20, 2009 3:58 AM
@Tales, nice story and I agree with your last sentence.
July 20, 2009 4:34 AM
I never tell people that, strangely. Mainly coz nobody (that I don't like hanging out with) asks me to hang out.
But I do hear that excuse a lot from other people, and after some time I just don't bother anymore. They'll say "Oh I miss you and we should meet up for coffee blah3x" but you know that they don't mean it. I just don't buy the busy excuse anymore! If someone is busy all the time then it suggests that they're not coping well with whatever they're doing.
July 20, 2009 10:44 AM
@Nashe^, Clouldn't agree more with you... These things are just so normal that nobody really bothers... empty meaningless words, I guess.
July 20, 2009 10:47 AM
meh, I wouldn't wanna hang out with you. You sound really boring and annoying, I wouldn't even bother to make an excuse
August 7, 2009 12:13 PM
@Anonymous, I know to which group of people you belong. Do you think I would wanna hang out with an ah beng? I sound boyring and annoying, yet you still read my blog. Lol.
August 7, 2009 3:24 PM
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